Capitol Punishment: Good Planning?
By Lyle Beckwith

Summertime and va­cations provide most Americans their best opportunity to relax with a good book and catch up on reading. Unlike some of the more scholarly folks who read biographies or history books, I prefer the “brain-candy” fun reads. (You would too if your work day began by reading the Bureau of National Affairs and National Journal e-newsletters.)

My favorite books of late have been the Dan Brown-type conspiracy stories that often feature groups such as the Masons, Rosicrucians, Knights Templar and the Illuminati and their collective ability to supposedly dominate the world. On my way to work today, my mind racing with thoughts of this mush, I listened with renewed interest to the morning traffic report.

The Washington, D.C., area is encir­cled by a massive highway system known as the Beltway. This 64-mile loop of pavement connects Maryland, Vir­ginia and D.C. and serves as the main staging area from which commuters pick their daily point of assault on the Nation’s Capitol. It’s also a nationally recognized asphalt nightmare.

I realized that today — and every other day of the year — at least four accidents occur in relatively the same locations and at the same times and bring the Beltway to a slow, pedantic death march for mo­torists. It seems like the Beltway is never running at the speed it was intended.

Or is it? Could it be possible that the Beltway was in fact planned and con­structed by the organizational descen­dents of the same groups that placed an eye on a pyramid on dollar bills? Perhaps they realized that eight lanes of bumper-­to-bumper traffic cruising at 65 miles per hour was a prescription for disaster and carnage. In a Machiavellian inspira­tion, what if they actually designed the Beltway to sacrifice four sets of com­muters daily with the effect of slowing everyone down to ensure their safe (al­beit time-consuming) commute?

And if these overseers of our society were capable of pulling off a feat of so­cial engineering like the Beltway, could this not also explain the comparable train wrecks that occur in Congress with similar regularity? It is well known that most of our founding fathers were mem­bers of secret societies. In drafting and ratifying the Constitution, they may have considered the same potential for disaster if bills were to fly through the Capitol like pedal-to-the-metal rush hour commuters.

For all the frustration Americans have with Congress’ inability to function smoothly, perhaps we should be grateful to the “wise ones” who created a gridlocked mess on Capitol Hill. Yes, they ride the breaks on important legislation and the congressional equivalent of road rage is on display daily on C-SPAN, but the alternative is 18-wheelers loaded be­yond capacity with knee-jerk legislation passing by at breakneck speed. And I am not at all confident that most of the driv­ers actually have a license.

Remember that it is summer, and al­though I may be just daydreaming, it might be prudent to give a nod of thanks to the Illuminati, et al. They’ve been keeping us safe from ourselves for hun­dreds of years.

Lyle Beckwith is the NACS senior vice president of government relations. He can be reached at (703) 518-4220 or lbeck­with@nacsonline.com.